Jenn is at our house non-stop. They’ve been dating for 6 months and in the past 3 months, she is probably at our house 6.5 days of the week. She’s materialistic, lazy and generally unhelpful. She brings her dog over when no one in the house has a pet and lets it have free reign over whatever the fuck it wants without discipline. She expects to be treated like a guest and doesnt help out with any house maintenance or chores, even though she spends more time at our house than I do. Its annoying as hell. The one good quality she does have is she likes to be clean. So naturally our shared bathroom is overflowing with her nice and expensive beauty products.
So, to get my jollies every morning, I use all of them. In EXTREME excess. Shampoo for brunettes that will shine and brighten my curls that i dont have? Fuck it, ill take 5x the amount needed. Peach exfoliating body wash with microbeads that makes me smell like a princess? POUR IT ALL OVER MY BODY. Super fancy loofa with a cushy handle? cover it in more body wash and polish my hardy boys. Coconut conditioner that will give me all-day, long lasting volume? Just squeeeeeeeze the bottle right onto the top of my head. I end up walking out of the bathroom shining like a sunset and smelling like a god damned unicorn.
Hey Jenn, you useless piece of crap, we’re running low on body wash…
